Yesterday morning I strolled into EAT for my usual Ham and Jarlsberg Croissant, Cheese Straw and Sponge Cake. I always get a cake. My choices of cake differ depending on my mood but thankfully EAT do a pretty well rounded range of cakes so I never get bored. Alas on this occasion, there were no cakes present and as such concern was mirrored on my face.

Usually they have Lemon Drizzle Cake, which is delightfully lemony and zesty and has little sugar drops sprinkled on top to give it a nice sweet kick. Chocolate Cake, which is rich and chocolaty (thankfully not TOO rich and chocolaty), Banana and Walnut – a great combination that needs no improvements, Carrot Cake, packed with lots of spicy things that give it that classic home baked taste, raisons, sultanas and the works and last but not least, my favourite: Raspberry and White Chocolate: Need I say more?..

Raspberry and White Chocolate Sponge Cake is deeelicious. I particularly love it because it hasn’t presented itself as the typical STRAWBERRY and White Chocolate combination. This pleases me, because ultimately I quite like to think I am quite good at recognising ingredients that go together well both in food, clothes and accessories and perfumery, and this, especially because the white chocolate isn’t as sweet as you’d expect, is a winner: The sponge itself was soft and just on the right side of crumbly, and the raspberry pieces yummy.

So, after seeing that there are literally no cakes whatsoever I march up to the front tills and enquire as to there whereabouts. That is when the shop assistant cheerfully tells me that EAT are infact bringing out a new range of cakes so will be replacing most of the other cakes with these new “Summer Range” cakes. I tell him they’d better not even THINK of tampering with my beloved (Raspberry and White Chocolate). I ask him to confirm whether they plan to do this. He says he isn’t sure.

Now, when I think of possible NEW CAKE combinations I can only imagine them ADDING to, and not REPLACING the ones they already have. Because aside from the fact that it is just very convenient for me to go to EAT (as opposed to Pret, Costa Coffee, or Starbucks) every morning , I actually quite like there food, and in particular, there cakes. And I really cannot imagine in my most creative of minds, just how they could possible improve on what they already have. Not because they are the best cakes in the world by any stretch of the imagination but rather because they are a full range of flavours. The set is complete, they have a little something for everyone, even me who on occasion I’ll admit, can be quite extra curricular with ones choices in cakes and the like. So I had to ask this young guy, honestly: WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE? WHICH CAKE DIRECTION CAN YOU TAKE??

Perhaps you add a Pistachio Cake, or even a classic, perhaps Apple (like Pret) I suggested to him, but you can’t really replace any of the aforementioned. Alas, after more prodding I realised that the poor guy really didn’t know so I had to resign myself to the waiting game and go, for that day at least: CAKELESS.

The following day I walk into the shop and straight over to the section where my cakes usually sit only to be struck down by the almost unbelievable realisation that THEY HAVE CUT ALL OF THE CAKES IN HALF. All of them. Every single one of them. HALF A FUCKING CAKE!!!

Looking further I realise aghast, that they have also removed my beloved, and replaced it with the much shittier and surely inferior cake: Victoria Sponge. Who the hell is going to buy Victoria Sponge unless they are a granny or literally so desperate for tea and cake they just pick up any economy brand cake around?

But ultimately, and I know that this was the thing that pushed me over the edge of reasoning: They were charging this HALF A CAKE, devoid of any redeemable cake (i:e Raspberry and White Chocolate), at the SAME PRICE as the FULL CAKES they were selling the week prior!!

Fury washed over me like a tidal wave. My head could not comprehend such blatant audacity. I felt offended. Do EAT see MUG written across my forehead?? – do they think that I am going to just hand over my hard earned cash like a good little girl to line there pockets and receive a half assed piece of bakery in return? do they think they can get away with such audacious DAYLIGHT ROBBERY? – I don’t bloodywell think so somehow!

I ranted and raved in the shop like an “statutory rights reminding” OAP about the bitterly grim episode that has me out of a cake, and feeling like my loyalty meant fuck all. What’s the point of promoting a shop, as I have regularly done, and promoting there cake range, when they are going to try and charge me the same already extortionately priced fee for a crumb of a baked good I ask ya?

Since then, I have made my feelings abundantly clear to both the shop assistants (who I think secretly are scared of me lol) and to EAT themselves who I sent a very nice email about the fact that they will not see hide nor hair of me or a penny further until they rectify this sordid affair. Moreover, I will tell very  person I know (and I already have started to do so), not to go there.

So I’m demanding that everyone BOYCOTT EAT! THEY ARE TRYING TO EXTORT YOU!!!

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