Wagalicious

It’s been all over the headlines this week. Every newspaper, every gossip magazine..

Nasty Rooney.

This excerpt was taken from this weeks Metro newspaper. Hear what PR “Guru” Max Clifford had to say on the matter. And I quote:

‘Mrs Rooney could take up ‘guest judging’ roles on TV. With all her experience as a Wag – because she really is at the heart of it – she could be some sort of expert on that side of things, giving advice because she’s been through it.’

Erm, am I missing something here? Giving “advice” on THAT SIDE OF THINGS? – what fucking side of things?!! – the orange fake tan application, the spreading of ones chunky thighs, or the opening of ones chavtastic gob to emit the sounds of a certified dunce? – which is it to be??

Just how we have managed to get here with this wagalicious lark  is concerning to say the least. How did we get to this desperately dire point in time??

When I think of all the lowly characters in this world a “WAG” really is up there with the best of them (the drug dealers and abusers, the prostitutes, the petty criminals and the thiefs). GRIM. I just can’t quite understand why on earth anyone with half a brain cell would dream of becoming a clone of arguably one of the thickest and oftentimes the ugliest members of society.

It beggars belief how hideous some of these girls look. I mean did you see the STATE of the girls Rooney was with?! – just SHOCKING.

Men, pray tell, HOW do you do it?? How do you sleep at night knowing full well you have just lain with a beast?

How do you caress and kiss the beast with the eyes with the cataract infection due to over usage of cheap eyeliner, the questionable mannish features, the pasty lifeless skin, the straggly extensions that are hanging lifelessly from her dry scalp, the droopy boobs that have been hoisted up courtesy of La Senza only for them to collapse before your very eyes when you ping the clip on her bra?, the breath that smells like a mixture between the dead carcass of a roasted rat and peanut poo?

 How do you rise to the occasion?..

 Coleen: Get Rid. You have already had to deal with his hideous Shrek like features, you shouldn’t also have to put up with his ugly prostitute obsession also.

 Ladies, all I’m saying is: Have your own dreams. Make your own money. Most of these dudes (particularly ones of the football playing variety as we have seen time and again), are not worth even an inkling of consideration.

Advertisements